After being in a long distance relationship for three years, Tuomas and I got into our routines with each other.
One of them was asking each other questions when we felt like we didn’t have anything else to talk about.
When you first start a long distance relationship, asking questions is a great way for you and your partner to stay connected and catch a glimpse into each other’s day to day life.
After you have been dating for a while asking your partner questions is a great way to continue learning more about each other.
The time you take for each other by asking questions could also be used as a relationship check-in.
50 Questions to Ask, Perfect for Long Distance Relationship
When doing questions like these I recommend you and your partner do them together in a video call.
That way you are able to observe their body language and form a deeper connection with them.
Part of being in a long distance relationship is being creative with how you communicate with each other.
So if you are truly unable to sit down together on a date to do the questions then try sending each other voice or video messages of your answers.
Getting to Know Your Partner
These questions are perfect if you are just starting out in a long distance relationship.
They will help you learn more about the person on the other side of the screen. It is also a great step in developing good communication habits with each other.
1. What’s your favorite thing to do in each season? (fall/spring/summer/winter)
This is a great question to ask because it allows you to imagine your partner in each season.
You’ll learn how y’all would spend time together for holidays or vacation.
2. If you could cook something for me, what would it be?
I always love asking Tuomas this question because it’s always changing the more he learns how to cook.
It’s also a great question at the start of a relationship because you can learn more about each other culturally.
Or you can find out if they know how to cook or not 😂
3. What was your most favorite gift you have ever received?
Tuomas loves holidays, I wouldn’t describe him as having the gifts love language but he really enjoys getting presents for his birthday and Christmas.
I was also able to find out more about his gift preferences when asking about his favorite gifts that he’s been given.
4. Do you have a favorite quote or song lyric?
With this question, you are able to figure out your partner’s music preferences and what poetry, books, or magnas, etc. they are interested in.
5. Would you describe yourself as a hugger?
I am a hugger, I will always go for a hug than a handshake. Tuomas is Finnish, and a lot of Finnish people aren’t as huggy as I am.
When it comes to touching other people, I always think it’s good to talk about touching before you touch them.
6. What’s your favorite vacation memory?
This question is a lot of fun because it lets you know how your partner spends their vacation time and what makes that time fun for them.
7. What phone app do you use the most?
What better way to get to know your partner than by learning about the apps they used the most. Is your partner someone who is really organized and has an app for that?
Or are they really into mobile games?
Getting to know what apps they like can also help keep y’all better connected during the distance.
8. What type of gifts do you like to get for people?
If you were to tell me your birthday is coming up, I would without hesitation get you a book. Books are my go-to gift for people, other options would be wine or any self-care item.
Some people are better at picking out gifts than other people, this question is a great way to find that out.
9. What type of music or podcast are you into?
When it comes to music and podcasts, Tuomas and my taste are very different. He’s into black heavy metal whereas I am more into lofi and chillhop.
I love the fact that we have very different tastes because it allows us to learn more about each other while also enjoying things for ourselves.
10. What are your thoughts about hugging and kissing in public?
As I mentioned before I am a hugger but when it comes to kissing in public, well let’s just say it makes me uncomfortable.
That’s an idea I have to warm up to overtime. Tuomas on the other hand is less shy about those things.
I was happy we talked about touching in public places before we met.
I didn’t want Tuomas to think I didn’t like him just because I wasn’t comfortable with that type of touching.
There was a point where I hated doing questions because at first, it was awkward. I would always want to know more and go deeper into the discussion.
So, with these questions, I want you to also focus on the why. While also focusing on your why, while understanding their reasonings.
11. What’s your favorite way to spend time for yourself?
Self-care is such an important thing to maintain in an LDR, it’s so easy to get lost with spending time with each other, that you forget to focus on yourself.
That’s why it’s great to talk to your partner about y’all’s favorite way to spend time with yourselves, focusing on this part sooner will make it easier for y’all when you’re unable to talk.
12. If you had one day left to live, what would you do?
I feel like this question can feel cliche, but sometimes you’ll get an answer choice you were not expecting.
The other Tuomas and I were watching a British reality show together, and this guy asked the girl this question.
Her response left such an impression on me that I had to include it here.
She said if it was her last day she would tell everyone who she loved that they loved them. That way her people know the love she felt for them before she was gone.
What are some things you would do on your last day?
13. What is your favorite book or movie?
Why is this their favorite form of entertainment? What within that book or movie, spoke to them so much they felt like they gained something from it.
14. What advice would you give to your younger self?
Like I mentioned before, with these questions don’t feel afraid to expand on them. The questions are like tools to help you start a conversation.
With this question I would love to add on; what about your current self, and older self? Why would you give that advice to them?
Questions like these are a great way to slow down, be more present, and in the moment with each other, don’t feel like you have to rush through them.
Really take the time to engage in conversation and get to know this person you are already head over heels for.
15. What makes you feel the most inspired and motivated?
This is going to be a hard question for some. It was a hard one for Tuomas. His way of thinking is very literal and analytical.
I love it, and I love watching him play pool and pokemon because of it 🥰
My way of thinking is more emotional, I literally have to feel that emotion in order to understand something better.
So asking an analytical person what inspires them, changes their thinking habits into feeling habits.
If your partner needs a few days to answer this one, don’t worry, that just means they are really thinking about how you view them and how they view themselves.
16. What’s one thing you have always wanted to try but never have done?
You can learn a lot about a person from this question.
To the ones that answer sky-diving, you are not my people 😂
I will watch from the ground and freak out the entire time.
It will be interesting to see how similar and different your partner’s answer will be to that question.
17. Recall a situation where you felt a lot of pressure, how did you handle it?
This question is basically a gauge for you to see how your partner handles stress. While also looking within yourself to see how you handle stress.
A great follow up conversation about this would be to discuss how you think you will actually handle conflict when it eventually appears in the relationship.
18. What type of gifts do you like to buy for yourself?
Here is another great self-care question, and a question where you can figure out what you want to get your partner for birthdays, holiday, and just because I felt like it gifts.
I love asking this question because I feel like it allows you to dive deeper into understanding who your partner is as a person.
19. What are you tired of hearing about?
When I lived in the US, I worked in a nursing home, and in every patient’s room, CNN was playing in the background.
There was a point where I didn’t even want to watch or hear the news anymore.
The same thing could be said about catchy songs on TikTok that get overplayed by everyone, sometimes you are just tired of hearing about it.
20. Out of your friends, who makes you feel the most energized.
When Tuomas and I were first getting to know each other I asked him a question similar to this.
I really want to know more about his life and the people are him and the roles they played in creating his happiness.
I wanted to know the people that are important to him because he is that important to me.
About the Relationship
When you are just starting out a long distance relationship, things can feel very confusing. The same “dating rules” no longer apply here.
As a couple, you and your partner will always need to establish and redefine the relationship.
This means you’ll also need to be prepared to make compromises with each other, especially when it comes to time.
21. What would our ideal talking schedule look like for you?
During our relationship, we have had to adjust our talking schedule a lot. There are going to be times where you and your partner won’t be able to talk, that’s fine.
Try to be as transparent as you can about your communication schedule.
22. What is your Love Language?
Knowing your partner’s love language is a great foundation for a relationship. It helps you to get into a pattern of how to give and receive love from each other.
Taking the quiz for the Love Language is also a fun date night activity, that every LDR couple should try out.
23. Would you prefer gifts or saving money for when we have a Meet-Up?
This question is so hard to actually ask, that’s why I wanted to put it on the list.
The list made you ask this question, it was all me. I’ll take the blame for it 🙋♀️
The earlier you and your partner start talking about meeting and planning financially for a Meet-Up the stronger the relationship will be in the long run.
Tuomas and I sent each other gifts for the first year but as the relationship continued we wanted to prioritize saving money for when we were together and for closing the distance.
24. Do you remember our first conversation?
Tuomas and I met at the end of 2015 in a pokemon league, where I was actually interviewing him for our league’s Tumblr.
That’s right we had a Tumblr 😎
It was our first conversation together, it’s not very romantic but it’s always great to look back and see how far the relationship has progressed.
25. How Important is time for yourself within our relationship?
Self-care is something that is super important to maintain during a long distance relationship. Sit down and take time to discuss with your partner the things you like to do together.
While also discussing things you like to do separately.
One thing Tuomas and I would do is spend time with each other on a call but without actually talking to each other.
That way we are both close but doing our own things.
We would also spend time outside of a call. He might want to have downtime to himself at home without me around, we always joked and called it being a Finn.
I am so thankful we had that balance of being by ourselves, it’s strange by talking more about your boundaries the easier it is for you to implement them as a couple.
26. What’s one thing you want to do together in person?
Planning meet-ups is probably my favorite thing to do when our relationship is on the virtual side. It gives us hope and it gives us an opportunity to create a future we want together.
Talk about something you want to do with your partner when they are there can help if your partner is starting to feel lonely and the distance is taking its toll on them.
27. What’s one thing about love in a long distance relationship that scares you?
When Tuomas and I first started dating I was overcoming the traumas in my past and some of those traumas were about love.
I had a lot to learn and understand about my own growth during this time so that’s why I enjoyed learning about his fears when it came to love.
28. What were your thoughts about LDRs before starting one with me?
I think it’s wild that people still don’t really consider LDRs as a legit relationship. Even when I hear people talking about how they could never be in one.
But, those people exist and the only thing you can do is educate them. If you feel like you can make an LDR work then do it.
Learn how to empathize with your partner and do what you need to do to empower each other while at a distance.
29. What’s the longest amount of time do you think you can be in a LDR?
Something that also helps a long distance relationship last is having a goal post in mind.
There will be times when being in an LDR can be very frustrating, you will see your friends reaching life milestones whereas your partner is over 1000+ km away from you.
That’s why we talked about this early on, I wanted to have some security in knowing that the virtual part of our relationship wasn’t going to last forever.
For us that number was three years.
That’s also when we both started working towards that goal together.
30. Where is one place you want to take me when we Meet?
Whether it’s your first Meet-Up or you are Meeting again this question is also fun to ask. I love it when Tuomas or myself would find a new place and want to take each other there our next time together.
There would also be some places we saved until that person got there, that way we could explore it together.
If y’all are doing all these questions in one sitting then good for you. I am impressed. Now it’s time to add some humor into the mix. I really enjoyed asking Tuomas these questions as well.
I just love the look on his face when I ask him nonsensical things 😂
31. If coffee was illegal what would its drug name be?
Tuomas decided “beans” was good for a drug name, whereas I am more team hype juice.
32. Would you ever have tuna as a topping on pizza?
This question was inspired by a real-life situation. In Finland tuna is a popular topping on pizza.
I tried it and you know I wish I could go back and un-try it.
33. If animals could talk, which one would be the funniest?
When I asked Tuomas about this he actually had a funny reason why he chose the animal he did, something I have never heard him talk about.
That’s why I love doing silly questions with him, I love to see what connections he has made to different scenarios in his life.
34. Which mythical creature could improve the world the most; if it existed?
If you’re a Harry Potter fan, you’ll find it hard to only choose one animal.
35. What movie would be greatly improved if it was made into a musical?
For this question, we thought back to the movies we hated the most, both of our picks were ones that we watched together at some point.
Mine was The Graduate and Tuomas chose Avengers: Infinity War.
Envisioning Tony Stark breaking out into song and dance with Captain America had me so weak 😆
36. If life were a video game, what are some cheat codes you would create for it?
Tuomas and I met online playing a video game, now that we are together we still play video games. This question is fun to see the areas in your partner’s life that they need help in.
37. What’s the most embarrassing memory you have of yourself?
This question is both funny and vulnerable at the same time. If your partner chooses to answer this question know that it’s taking a lot for them to put them in a position for you to laugh at them.
Just remind them how much you love them while you’re laughing 😂😂
38. If you won the lottery, what would be the craziest thing you would buy?
It’s nice to know what people would spend their money on outside of responsibilities and obligations. Go wild with answering this question.
39. If your pet or plants could talk, what’s one thing they would say about you?
If the walls had eyes what would they say about you? My plants would tell you how crazy I am for talking to them every day even though they can’t answer back.
40. What is your biggest cooking failure?
Between the two of us, we have a lot of stories about failures during cooking. If y’all haven’t tried cooking on a date then please do, you’ll get to see some pretty epic failures in action.
Growing Together – Personal Development
I wished we would’ve really dove into personal development earlier in our relationship.
In the beginning, we were so caught up in being lovey-dovey with each other and spending all the time on a call together.
We were also working towards finishing our own degrees.
There was a lot that was going on around us that we lost track of who we were for a bit. But once we started talking about personal development things began to change.
Now, we had a clearer idea of who we were currently and the person we wanted to be.
All that clarity filtered into our relationship as well. Then we started talking about who we wanted to be as a couple and as an individual.
I felt like our relationship flourished and we felt more secure in it when we started discussing our personal development.
So make time with your partner and really check in with not only them but yourself as well.
41. What is your ideal life?
When you ask this question, I want you to just focus on yourself while listening to the other person.
This is a separate activity initially.
Basically, focus on what you want your ideal life to look like without you partner in it.
After y’all have done that then discuss what your ideal life will look like when you are together.
You need to put yourself first when planning out your life and dreams, once you have your future planned out then that’s when you talk to your partner about theirs.
We all have our own wants and needs in order to have a comfortable life for ourselves.
The earlier you talk about these things together the easier it is to achieve it.
42. What are some things you can do to achieve that?
This question is perfect for following up on the previous one. Now that you and your partner have talked about y’all’s goals and dreams together, it’s time to work towards it.
Y’all could even make vision boards together to help achieve those goals 😍
Again, this question should be answered in two parts. The first part is what can I do to achieve the life I want.
Then the second part is what can we do to live the lives we want.
43. What are things we can do together as a couple to achieve that?
Literally, it’s the second part, this is for the people that scan
As you can see, when you can follow up a question with another it allows you to dive deeper into the conversation. Which then creates a special and memorable experience for y’all.
For the people who actually read everything that I type, Thank you. I love you, this part is really here for you. I appreciate all of you.
44. Who inspires you the most?
Earlier I talked about how Tuomas is very analytical with his thinking, whereas I am more emotional.
I just need to feel it to understand it, whatever it is.
So when I asked Tuomas this he had a hard time, he truly had to think about who inspires him. Some of these personal growth questions are going to be hard to answer.
Take your time to answer them, even if you need a couple of days to sort it out. The most important thing you can do is answer the question truthfully and honestly.
45. What are your financial goals?
It’s very important to talk about financial goals when you start a long distance relationship. This question helps you to get to know your partner’s relationship with money, how they feel about it, and how they save it.
Through these questions, you can also figure out how often you’ll be able to have meet-ups.
You’ll also be able to discuss how much money you would want to have saved up to live comfortably when y’all are finally able to close the distance.
46. What does your dream job look like?
There are times where we can feel totally lost about our future. We thought we had the idea of what we wanted to do based on societal views of living.
You could be at a crossroads of what your dream job and dream life would look like.
Use this question as a way to figure out the things you want to do most with your passions. When you follow that path, it makes your job more enjoyable.
47. What is your most favorite thing about life right now?
Sometimes we all need to pause and reflect on the things we enjoy about our current life. Instead of pushing all of our hopes and dreams onto the future.
When you take that moment to pause and reflect within yourself you will find that you now and the you from five years ago are different people.
I mean, would the you from five years ago have been in a long distance relationship?
48. What is something you feel like is missing in your life?
After you’ve had the time to reflect on all the blessings you have in your life, I want you to look at some areas things are missing.
Right now as I get settled into my new life in Finland, I find myself missing the gym and the world of physical therapy.
I am hoping when I get a gym member this void will be filled.
49. Is there anything you want to learn more about in life?
A professor in college once told me that if you stop learning then you have stopped living. There is so much out there and different thoughts and ideas that we can all learn from.
What is it that you want to learn more about?
50. What are some things we can in order to create a future together?
This question can be interpreted two ways. One would be; what can we do to create a future where we meet together?
The second version would be; what can we do to create a future where we close the distance?
Both questions will help you and your partner stay on the same page when planning a life together with each other in person.
50 Deep Questions to ask in a Long Distance Relationship
I hope you and your partner enjoyed spending time with each other doing these questions together.
I firmly believe the more you learn and understand more about each other your relationship will be successful, the first tool for that success is asking your partner questions.
If you enjoyed these questions then be sure to check out the free ebook for 50 Deep Questions to Ask in a Long Distance Relationship