Ahh the honeymoon phase. It’s probably one of the most overrated phases in a long distance relationship.
It’s when you are so full of hope and optimism that love will conquer all and will always win.
It’s just an extra sparkly time in the relationship, which is good, that’s how it’s supposed to be. It’s during this phase that love blooms.
The honeymoon phase can have some hidden red flags within it.
These red flags get overlooked because we like to think our partner and Mary Poppins have something in common.
They are practically perfect in every way 💁♀️
While your partner might seem perfect in every way in the beginning; as your relationship slowly develops you’ll learn that perfect is just a fantasy.
Your love will grow and you’ll understand to love your partner flaws and all.
So what exactly is the honeymoon phase? Think of the honeymoon phase as being chocolate wasted on love.
It’s fun, exhilarating and our logic tends to go right out the window.
Who needs logic when you’re happy? You do, you need logic 😆
And when it comes to long distance relationships this phase occurs more than once. We have the initial one when you and your partner first start dating. Then we can experience it again during meet-ups.
5 Warning Signs to Look Out For When You Start a Long Distance Relationship
Because they happen so often in long distance relationships it makes it even more important to know what these red flags can look like.
Especially during the honeymoon phase when we have our blinders on.
You’ll notice that a lot of these red flags are easy to completely miss.
Some red flags will be harder to miss than others.
By recognizing what they are it will be easier to detect these warning signs. Then you’ll be able to avoid the havoc they can cause later in the relationship.
Putting too Much into Being Perfect
This is a red flag for yourself as it can be negative to your own mental health.
Worrying too much about being the perfect person to your partner is stressful. You are human, and humans are very imperfect beings.
That is also why whenever we begin a new relationship it is easy to try to be the ideal person. Showing the “best” side of yourself to your new love interest so they can love you.
That’s where this red flag lives, in the perfection zone 😞
The problem with being perfect is that it is taking away from your true authentic self. That’s why it’s important to show who you really are to your partner. Bad angles and all.
When you are authentic to your partner about your looks, ideals, and things you like. This realness will show how confident you are as a person.
And confidence is very sexy 😉
The same rule applies during meet-ups.
When I first met Tuomas, I had so much hairspray in my hair so not a strand could fall out of place despite being on a 10 hour flight.
Then I waited to put my makeup on right before I saw him. Just so I could make sure I looked flawless.
But in reality who actually looks put together after being up for 24+ hours? And being on a 10 hour flight?
No one, absolutely no one 🙅♀️
Being yourself and not being the symbol of perfection also helps your partner understand that you are a real person. Your partner will see you as someone who is loyal and dependable.
They also see you as a person they can trust to build a lasting long distance relationship with.
Avoiding Voice and Video Calls
It is safe to say “love is blind” when you first start a long distance relationship.
The biggest red flag in any long distance relationship is if you or your partner are avoiding calls.
I understand at first it can feel a little overwhelming to do these voice or video calls. Calls are how you and your partner build trust.
If you can’t trust your partner then it’s going to be really hard to love them. 🙅♀️
If your partner is consistently refusing to do either a voice or video call with you need to talk. Explain to them, that in order for the relationship to continue you need to have a call
If they still disagree then say bye because it’s only going to get more complicated.
Another scenario to look out for is if your partner is continuously standing you up.
Especially when y’all have schedule a time to have a call.
They will have every excuse for you possible. So just go ahead and do yourself a favor and end the conversation with them.
Your heart will thank you later 💔
Secrecy and Jealous Behavior
Being secretive and jealousy are other huge red flags in long distance relationships. I put them together because they usually go hand in hand with each other.
Say your partner is spending more time away from you and with other people. And they aren’t really telling you who they are hanging out with.
That’s being secretive, especially if they get mad when you ask them about it.
It is very natural in the beginning of a relationship to want to know more about your partner’s friends and their life.
So if they are being dismissive to your questions or gaslighting you then…
That’s a sign to get out 💔
So what did I mean by secrecy and jealousy going hand in hand? Well let’s flip that scenario around.
It’s now time for you to go hang out with your people, you even let your partner know ahead of time your plans.
If you find your partner is giving you a hard time about hanging out with your friends then that is jealousy.
When you are dating someone with these emotions it becomes harder for you to share your feelings with them. Or they could even make you second guess your feelings when you do decide to share your concerns.
If your partner is showing any of these red flags then get out. It’s beyond help, because now you are in a straight up trap.
Please, don’t think you can “fix” your partner from these behaviors by having a meet-up. If anything a meet-up will only make these behaviors shine even brighter.
Spending Too Much Time Together
At the start of a long distance relationship it is easy to spend too much time with your partner.
However, if y’all spend too much time together it becomes harder to maintain your own hobbies and interest.
Harder to maintain your sense of identity , what makes you the awesome person you are.
Without maintaining your sense of identity it could make you lose who you are as a person. Which then can lead you to be codependent on your partner.
That is why having your own identity is a very important part of the honeymoon phase.
This is how you and your partner are able to grow together and move on to the next stage of the relationship.
In the honeymoon phase all we want to do is spend time with our partners. Especially in a long distance relationship, we can feel like we have to be always available online.
This thought process can lead you to miss out on a lot of things you could be doing offline. Like hanging out with your friends and family.
So when you realize that you haven’t heard from your friends in a while, understand it’s not them, it’s you.
It is important to maintain contact and make time to hang out with your friends and family. That way you won’t lose sight of who you are as a person.
This also applies during Meet-Ups
When my Snowman and I have meet-ups; we like to make it a point to spend time with each other’s friends and families.
This is an important time for us to see how each other interacts with those that are important to them.
Taking that time to spend with each other’s friends and family helps them to learn more about long distance relationships.
This will also help them to understand how y’all are able to make the relationship work despite the distance.
When you are in a long distance relationship you’ll need to have as many allies as you can at first.
So help your friends and family understand more about the relationship by including your partner in video calls and meet-ups with them.
Moving Way Too Fast
I want to start this section off by saying having sex (including virtual and during meet-ups) should only happen when both parties are ready.
You should not be feeling pressured or guilted into having sex in order to keep your partner from leaving you.
It is easy to fall into this trap given the nature of the honeymoon phase.
You want to spend all the time in the world together.
Maybe you feel that your partner is the person of your dreams.
Those feelings are why it is important to make sure both of y’all trust each other and are ready to become intimate with one another.
If you rush sex too soon and y’all aren’t even official it could lead to guilt after having sex.
Especially if they end up breaking up with you.
When you have sex too soon in a long distance relationship, the feelings are more of lust than actual love. That is because you need to have trust before you can have love.
So before you and your partner strip down and bare all, make sure you’ve had a video call.
More importantly, that you can trust them, then let them know what your boundaries are.
If y’all have already had sex then make sure to talk about sex with your partner. Let them know what you enjoyed about the experience and how it made you feel to be connected with them.
Then ask them to join the discussion, what did they like about the experience and what are their sexual fantasies.
By having this conversation you are able to establish trust and open communication about sexuality with your partner.
Not Talking About Your Deal Breakers
A lot of times during the honeymoon phase we get so distracted by our partner that we forget to talk about ourselves. More importantly, we forget to talk about our goals and what are some deal breakers for a relationship
My favorite example of this is the TLC show “90 Day Fiance”. In this show you see couples who haven’t talked about what they want in a relationship. The important questions like:
Do you want to have kids?
What are your religious views?
Is marriage something you want in the future?
Can you see us closing the distance in the next 5 years?
These are some pretty hard hitting questions to ask in the beginning of a relationship. Yet, would you want to be with a person who doesn’t share those views with you?
It’s better to go ahead and ask these types of questions in the beginning instead later on in the relationship.
By asking deal breaking questions upfront, you are able to know if this person is the right person for you.
What If I See These Red Flags During the Honeymoon Phase?
Ignoring these red flags during the honeymoon phase can be disastrous for you and your relationship later on.
If you think the relationship is worth saving then you and your partner should discuss how to handle these issues.
That way you and your partner can build a love that will last.
However, if y’all aren’t able to come to an agreement it might be time to let the relationship go.
It can be scary transitioning from being in a long distance relationship to being single.
But that is when you need to ask yourself is the relationship worth sacrificing your happiness?