I never try to write when I am angry, but today it had to be done.
I got triggered, somewhere on the infinite internet I ran across a post saying long distance relationships never work.
Never? Really? Never!?!?
They couldn’t use the word the sometimes work, or they require an effort to make them work. Instead, they used the word choice of “never”
Meaning that long distance relationships are impossible and your love is doomed from the start.
Unfortunately for those people you and I are the exceptions to that rule.
And rules are more like guidelines, they were meant to be broken.
If you find yourself to be in a long distance relationship, and wondering how you can make an LDR work then keep reading.
I am going to show you 7 Ways LDR Can and Do Work.
It’s a Real Relationship
Let’s start off with the one that everyone loves to toss in our face “distance relationships aren’t real relationships”
No matter how your LDR journey started, whether you met in person or like us, met online first.
As long as you and your partner are open and honest with each other then your relationship is real.
Because that’s what any relationship needs in order to survive, it needs both parties to be upfront and honest with their emotions.
Real relationships require both couples to have open communication and dialogue about what problems are occurring in their relationship
And most importantly, real relationships require partners to be able to effectively communicate differences of opinions as well as being able to still love each other after conflict resolution.
Let me tell you, I already know of a few close proximity relationships where they had absolutely no communication or conflict resolution strategies.
And we are in a multi-lingual relationship.
The lack of time spent or distance apart does not make your relationship less real than others.
What matters is the ability to communicate with your partner and be honest with your emotions.
You Learn More Ways to Show Love Than Actions Alone
Within the long distance dating community, there is one staple that we all know. That is the 5 love languages.
It’s like an unspoken requirement, you should know the 5 love language.
Just in case you don’t know the love languages, then don’t worry I got your back.
When you learn about the 5 love languages you will see that people give and receive love in different ways.
Those ways are; Acts of Service, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, and Gifts.
When you take the quiz you will see that you may score higher in one area. That just means you use that love language the most.
You might still like the other love languages but at different times in your life.
For example, when it comes to birthdays, I am a gifts person whereas a lot of my friends are words of affirmations (meaning they love getting cards)
I hate getting cards, I think it’s a waste of paper and money. I would prefer a physical gift or someone buying me a drink.
But when it comes to praise I love words of affirmation.
I like to be told that I am doing a good job I also like to give words of affirmation when I am telling Tuomas that Iiked how he helped me out.
With the 5 love languages, you learn about how in order to keep your partner’s “love tank” full you need to speak to them in their love language.
You can do this in a long distance relationship as well, even when it comes to quality time and physical touch. You can have those things in a long distance relationship.
Granted you might need to be more creative than close proximity relationships but it can be done.
I have written a lot of articles on the love languages you can check them out here.
LDRs Teach You Time Management + Personal Development
Long distance relationships teach you about how to better manage your time.
In fact, being in a long distance relationship helps you to focus on your own personal development.
Which then leads you to feel more empowered in your relationship.
During our time as a long distance couple, Tuomas and I were both at University, I had just graduated and Tuomas was just starting his Masters.
We both had to schedule our personal lives, academic lives, and then our relationships life.
Our long distance relationship taught us how to manage the time apart from each other by filling it up with the things we needed to do and loved to do in our lives.
Tuomas and I had a 7 hour time difference, we really had to be open about what our plans were for the week and schedule time to talk to each other.
More importantly, we had to honor the commitments we were making for each other.
In our relationship we weren’t able to do a video call every day, some days we couldn’t talk at all.
During those days we would still make time for each other by sending each other a voice text or even memes to let the other person know that we were thinking about them.
You Learn To Creative Ways to Connect with Each Other
We know that physical touch is a barrier in long distance relationships.
Over the years more and more couples have gotten creative with ways they can feel their partner’s touch when they are over 1000+ km away.
Being in a long distance relationship makes you get creative when it comes to touch. One thing we did was steal each other t-shirts or hoodies during a Meet-Up together.
Some couples send their clothes to each other, so they can feel their partner’s warmth or even smell that particular brand of detergent they used to clean their clothes.
Having that smell around you gives you a moment to feel what it’s like to have them close to you.
Then there are cool gadgets like Bond Touch where you are able to tap the bracelet and your partner is able to feel that tap from the other side of the world.
Technology is truly amazing and is always growing, meaning it is getting easier to be in a long distance relationship.
LDRs Teach You How to Communicate Effectively
If there is one area that the LDR community excels in, it would be communication.
When you are at the beginning stages of a long distance relationship you will have to deal with “I don’t know how I should interpret that” type of text messages and sometimes language barriers as well.
After your first few misunderstandings, you and your partner develop a way to better communicate with each other.
For us, we started using emojis more and reserved serious conversations for video calls.
Over time you and your partner will learn what works for you as a couple when it comes to communication.
The reason why we as long distance couples are able to communicate so efficiently with our partners is that communication is the one thing we have.
We have to talk to our partner’s through text to learn about their day.
Then we get excited for voice calls and messages to hear their voice, and eventually, learn what the other person’s face looks like while they are talking despite not being to see it all the time.
Most importantly, when we have video calls, we are able to see how our partner communicates.
LDRs teach you how to communicate because, with each form of communication we have, we put in all the effort to keep that connection alive.
You Want to Share Your Reality and Learn About Theirs
What I loved the most about our long distance relationship is that we always shared with each other the world around us.
Tuomas has a big family and a lot of friends and during Meet-Ups, I met those friends as well.
During our long distance relationship, I was able to learn so much more about Tuomas’ life and his friends because we shared those areas with each other.
Part of being in a long distance relationship is learning more about your partner’s worldview while sharing your own.
This also helps you maintain that balance between spending time with your friends and family and spending time with your partner.
Just like any relationship, when you first start dating someone it is easy to get caught up in the honeymoon phase and want to spend all the time in the world with your partner.
We’ve all probably had that one friend that does that.
As soon as they get into a relationship they disappear out of your life.
Long distance relationships give you that time to be apart from your partner.
They allow you to figure out your own wants and needs as an individual first, then as a couple second.
Gives You Something to Look Forwards To
While it’s not fun being the third wheel with my couple friends, long distance relationships provided us something to look forward to.
Tuomas and I would get really excited when planning our next Meet-Up together, and then when the Meet-Up came they were as wonderful as we were expecting.
Long distance relationships also help to provide you with relationship milestones at a much slower pace.
This is perfect if you are a person who tends to wear their heart on their sleeve, I know because I am that type of person too.
I always say this to people but my long distance relationship changed my perspective on life.
It allowed me to slow down and enjoy the world around me because I wanted to share that world with my partner.
I look forward to spending that quality time with Tuomas.
It also made me put my phone down and be less worried about what other people were doing and focus more on living in the moment.
Then we started to look forward to the day that we could finally close the distance, live together, and start the next part of our lives together.
They Give You Hope
Before Tuomas and I started dating, I had no faith in men and zero desire to date anyone.
It wasn’t until Tuomas and I started talking more and more that I realized that not all people are like this and maybe the person meant for me was on the other side of the world.
Suddenly I was asking myself why should I let oceans, continents, and countries prevent me from living the life I had imagined for myself.
Or why should I deny myself of the love I had always wanted.
This person who is so far away from me understands me better than my best friends. Wants to listen to what I have to say and takes a general interest in me.
When I was dating the “normal way” all I got from guys was unwanted touches or unsolicited pictures of their genitalia.
Honestly, I’m good on both 🙅♀️
Long distance relationships also taught me a new way to love.
I learned that love isn’t just physical. Love is emotional, love is analytical, love is whatever you want it to be.
Finally, I had hope. I had hope that I found the person that was meant for me, even if they were over 7000+ km away.
They Are Worth It
Just like any relationship, long distance relationships require the effort of the people involved to make it work.
Every night that I cried because I felt lonely or the distance seemed too great. I knew that I could call him in the morning and talk about it.
He knew that if he had a nightmare I would pick up the phone and help him go back to sleep.
I am not going to lie, long distance relationships are hard work.
They require you and your partner to be on the same page when it comes to communication and making time for each other.
But when you meet them in person for the first time, and every time after that you’ll realize that all that effort was worth it.
Suddenly you’re with the person of your dreams, doing all the things that you wanted to do.
You might think you are seeing the world through rose-colored glasses but your not.
That’s what it’s like to be in a healthy relationship.
You and your partner know how to talk to each other, you have interests in things together and outside of each other.
You know how to spend time apart and spend time together. When a lot of couples who are close in proximity can’t even say the same.
Long distance relationships are worth it, so if you are thinking about starting one then go ahead and take the plunge.
Just remember to keep planning on seeing each other, and to be honest about your feeling towards each other.