Meeting up for the first time while you’re in a long distance relationship is such an exciting experience.
Especially if the person you’re meeting lives on a completely different state or continent. I can remember the first time
I met Tuomas for the first time in 2017
Holy shit was I nervous.
Here I am about to meet this person who I was really starting to have serious feelings for and I was going out of the country for the first time to meet him.
The first meet-up was also huge for our relationship. We were finally able to see if our relationship was the same in real life as it was online. We also got to see each other in everyday life and learn so much more about each other than we could ever learn online.
View this post on Instagram
Happy Valentine’s Day @katmand0r 😍 It’s crazy to think that next year I’ll be celebrating the day with you in Finland. No more long distance relationship. Just the two of us in the same time zone.❤️💕 :: :: :: #longdistancerelationship #longdistance #lovingfromadistance #ldrcouples #ldr #ldrproblems #ldrlove #ldrstory #ldrgoals #ldrlife #longdistancerelationships #longdistancerelationshipswork #closingthegap #closingthedistance
Meet-ups can be a whirlwind of emotions, but I have put together this Ultimate Guide to help you through every step of the meet-up.
I have also included tips on what to do during and after meeting-up for the first time.
Before the Long Distance Meet Up
When Should It Happen
When Tuomas and I first met in person we had been dating for 6 months and had done countless video and voice calls.
The most important thing to pay attention to isn’t how long we had been dating but the fact we had done a lot of video calls.
If you and your partner are talking about meeting-up for the first time then y’all should have a solid layer of trust between the two of your.
Which means a definite need of doing video calls. How are you supposed to find a person without knowing what they look like?
But Jazzy they sent me a picture and how could I ever forget what they look like 🥰
No, stop it, you need to do video calls.
That way you can see the space that person is living in. You are able to see them in person and not be potentially catfished.
So when should y’all meet up? After you do a ton of video calls and you can confidently say to yourself, I know this person.
I was so nervous going to meet Tuomas in person for the first time, I didn’t even care that I was flying across the Atlantic Ocean. All I could think was:
Is this the same person I met online?
I wonder if this person still like me after meeting me?
What if I don’t like him in person?
Will we have anything to talk about?
Honestly I think I felt all four of these things at once as soon as I came face to face with Tuomas. I had my own self conscious fears being a plus-size woman.
I feared if he would be attracted to me.
It’s funny, I even told him a code to say to me to let me know that everything was alright, I was so paranoid.
I mean my heart was racing the entire time, especially those last 10 minutes of the flight, I didn’t know if I needed to pee, throw up, or do both at the same time.
Just know that everyone goes through this, and it is completely normal to feel this way.
The trick is to remember why you wanted to meet this person.
Wasn’t your partner worth coming out all this way to meet them? Didn’t y’all have a solid connection during those video calls?
If you can confidently answer yes to both of those you’ll be able to swallow those nerves and have success meeting them in person.
Have Some Confidence
It is a known fact that having confidence makes anyone 10x more attractive. I want you to be more confident in yourself during your first meet-up.
Here are some ways to confidence before the meet-up:
Stay Active. Keep yourself busy, don’t just sit there and count down the days waiting for life to happen. This is a habit that will help you for future meet-ups.
Embrace Experiences. A part of being confident is setting yourself up to success. That means taking the time to plan your first meet-up. We’ll talk more about this in a minute.
Practice Self Love. Practice some self love before your trip. For me that means getting my hair and nails done. As well as shopping for a new outfit. As Rupaul always says:
“If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?”Rupaul
So take time for that self love. You deserve it!
Planning Your First Long Distance Meet-Up
Remember when I said planning will lead to confidence? Being prepared for your trip, no matter what hiccup comes your way, will help you feel more confident about meeting your partner.
These are some of the questions you and your partner should be asking each other before meeting up:
Are you staying with your partner?
Where should they meet you?
Where will you sleep?
What are you plans for the stay
Whatever you plan on doing just remember to tell your family and friends.
Prior to my first meet-up I gave my family a lot of information about where I will be staying as well as a copy of all my documents. I am not going to lie, it was pretty much a packet.
Before my trip I also made sure to have travel insurance as well as a credit card to cover unexpected payments.
Let’s be real, you have to look out for your safety first.
I had my credit card to pay for emergency things like unexpected hotel rooms if I didn’t feel safe at his apartment or unexpected plane tickets in case I missed a flight.
Which I did, I missed my flight back to the US but that’s another story for another day.
I also made my initial meet-up 1.5 weeks just in case things went south. My excuse was I wanted to also see some other countries like Denmark and unexpectedly Iceland.
Did I need to have my meet-up so short? No but it made me feel comfortable to have a back-up plan in case things didn’t work out.
Leaving The Country?
Before you even come close to booking your tickets to meet your love you need to do some research.
Do you need a Visa or Passport you are going to, do you need any vaccinations, etc. All these questions need to have answers before you book your ticket.
When I went to Finland for the first time I had to get my passport. Which meant saving up money for the passport, I paid around $120 for mine.
It also meant scheduling the time frame so I would get my passport before I booked my ticket, since you need to have your passport information for the flight.
With all that planned I was finally able to leave the US to go to Finland. Which was probably the best experience of my life.
Not only because I met the love of my life but because I was able to explore a new country and learn about a whole new culture.
While learning new cultures you also learn about the differences in their culture compared to your own. I had my own fears based on cultural differences, I was afraid people were going to see me as a typical lazy American because I am plus sized.
Which some did but I don’t care about that anymore 💁♀️
No matter where you end up going in to be sure to check up on local customs, social norms, and if PDA is a thing there. It’s good to know a bit more about the country you are going to and it also helps you understand your partner better.
During the Long Distance Meet-Up
Yay!!! Y’all are actually with each other in person. The moment has finally come so what’s the first thing you should do?
Give each other time to settle in.
Now I know not everyone is flying 10+ hours like when my Snowman and I meet-up but I still think it’s super important to give each other some time to realize what is going on.
Shoot, even after I drive to visit my friends that live 3 hours away I still need at least a good 20 minutes to figure out my life.
Okay I might be a little dramatic but you get the point.
Both of y’all are feeling a wave of emotions, as well as trying to figure out how to translate what you have online to in person. Don’t rush it and don’t stress it. Just give each other time to breathe and enjoy the moment.
I think the best thing to do when you first meet is grab a quick bite to eat, nothin’ fancy, but something that’ll help with the nerves and help create some conversation.
Now this is the best part, finally having a real date. Not the “let’s explore things online” date. Real life. In person. Omg I can’t believe we are together kinda date. What does that actually entail?
All the things you have talked about doing together.
One of my favorite dates Tuomas and I had is an all-day date. We started the day by getting brunch and then explored the city he lives in. After walking around we went to a museum that we were both interested in. Then went to the movies and after the movies grabbed dinner and drinks.
What I loved the most about this date was how laid back it was. Something that couples do that live in close proximity to each other.
Meeting Family and Friends
I had a hard time deciding what category this fits under. Personally, I would like to know before the meet-up if I am planning on meeting family and friends.
It’s enough stress meeting your partner then you start adding meeting the parents, siblings, bff’s. I would have a panic attack for sure.
However, I also recommend meeting family and friends at some point during the meet-up, especially if you are staying longer than just a few days.
Why is this important? You get to see how your partner interacts with the people they love.
Is your partner’s family supportive of y’all’s relationship? What do you think of your partner’s relationship with their friends?
Use your time together to scope out all this information. If your goal is to be with your partner long term, the idea of marriage or even living together is going to come up. Might as well scope out the family dynamics.
We did not have sex during our first meet-up.
It wasn’t because we weren’t into each other. I just personally felt like it wasn’t the right time to have sex.
The idea of travelling all the way to meet someone and jump them right away wasn’t appealing to me. I mean think about it, you give it up to them and then you get back home and never speak to them again.
I also believe in the act of leaving them wanting more. Sure we kissed, cuddled, and cuddled but that’s part of the love game.
If you give everything up then what is going to make them stay around?
On the other hand, if you’re really vibing your partner, trust them, and feel comfortable sharing that side of yourself then do you boo-boo.
At the end of the day, no one should feel pressured to have sex. Both parties should want it.
If one person isn’t feeling comfortable then respect their wishes. If one person is pushing it too much, then that’s a big ole red flag that they need to go.
What if Things Aren’t Working Out
First, don’t panic. Sometimes things happen and you aren’t vibing the person as much as you thought you would.
The question now is “What do I do?” Well that honestly depends on the situation around you.
If You’re Visiting Them
Remember when I said you should have a credit card or extra funds with you earlier? This is why.
If you are not vibing that person then tell them you got a hotel room and that you feel more comfortable staying there.
Just remember to be honest with the person about how you feel.
Depending on how that conversation goes you can either hang out with them as a friend, fly solo, or head back home. However, that person deserves your honesty. It may hurt but it will at least give them closure.
If They are Visiting You
Once again this is why staying in a hotel may be beneficial to both parties. It leads to less awkwardness. But if they are staying with you and you aren’t feeling them try to at least be a good host.
Try to think of them as a friend that came to visit you and you’ll show them around the area.
If there is one thing I want to stress is to be respectful during this difficult situation. It’s hard enough to break up with someone, let alone dealing with an asshole that just broke your heart.
After the Long Distance Meet-Up
This part sucks soooo much. I am the worst at handling this no matter how many times we say goodbye to each other.
My biggest tip is to stay present during the last few days of the meet-up. Instead of thinking we only have x amount of days left try to make it something more positive like I still have this many days with you.
Like I said this never gets easy.
We have planned activities for the last day and we have also just cuddled each other until it was time to go. Although, I prefer cuddling because the idea of doing stuff before I go to the airport stresses me out.
Plan the Next Meet-Up
During our last few days together we try to gather a time frame when we will be able to meet again.
I mean it’s pretty much the only positive thing about leaving your partner.
Planning the next meet-up also confirms that y’all want to continue the relationship.
Tuomas and I typically take turns visiting each other in our respective countries. We do this to make travel expenses fair.
The number one thing that can burn out a relationship real quick is making one person feel that they are doing all the work
Another option y’all could try is meeting up halfway and try sharing a hotel room together. That could make the next meet-up more romantic and it also will teach you how well you and your partner travel together.
When you get home
Leaving your partner is hard. Unfortunately no matter how many times y’all meet up and leave each other it doesn’t get any easier. It’s even hard on the person who is being left.
All aspects of this are really hard to deal with. But does that mean you give up on life until the next meet-up?
Hell no 🙅♀️
This is the time to get shit done.
Time to clean, time to pick up from where you left off before your partner came to visit.
Do not use their leaving as a reason why you can’t handle your own personal affairs.
It’ll be hard but you need to get back to your daily routine, that’s the best way you can move forward.
Continuing the Long Distance Relationship
After you’ve returned from the first meet-up there is a question you need to ask yourself.
Are we going to continue this long distance relationship? Your knee jerk reaction might be yes, but I want you to really consider what that entails.
For some it might mean, when will the next meet-up happen? For us it meant, when will we close the gap and what steps do we need to take?
By discussing this it will also show your commitment for each other which is needed to maintain a successful relationship.
Having a Successful First Long Distance Meet-Up
These tips will increase the chances of having the first meet-up experience that y’all have been dreaming of.
These tips will also help you focus on the exciting parts rather than the nail biting, nerve-racking, let me smack my head into the wall parts. This is an exciting time in y’all’s relationship so remember to have fun.
Are you currently planning your first meet-up? If you have any additional questions let me know in the comments below!!