We all know that long distance relationships can feel lonely at times.
It also doesn’t help the lonely feeling when you start to see all your friends and family posting engagement and wedding pictures.
I remember when I saw them I kept wondering when it would be our turn. Is it possible for our future to look like this when we are in a long distance relationship?
If you’re anything like me, you’ll start to compare your relationship to theirs or, even worse, start to get that wedding fever itch.
That’s probably how you found this page, wondering how you and your partner can take the next step in your long distance relationship and get engaged.
How to Get Engaged in a Long Distance Relationship
Looking back to when Tuomas and I got engaged I realized that we did a lot of things different than “social norms” dictate.
Seriously, we’re in a long distance relationship, do you think anything is going to be like a regular relationship?
Here are the six steps you need to take if you are ready to get engaged in your long distance relationship.
Stop Comparing Your Relationship to Others
First things first, STOP comparing your relationship to other couples.
This applies to couples that are in close proximity AND other LDR couples.
When you start comparing your relationship to others it actually puts a lot more strain on your relationship.
This is also when emotions like fear and doubt start to cloud your judgment. Which then makes you lose confidence in your relationship.
If you find yourself constantly comparing your relationship to someone else’s then take a step back and focus on why you feel that way.
Is it because they are engaged or just got married and y’all aren’t?
You shouldn’t compare your relationship success to other people’s relationships. A relationship is between two people: you and your partner.
To have more confidence in your long distance relationship, make the time to let your partner know how much you appreciate them and the love you have for each other.
Then look at other goals y’all can make together right now, whether that’s scheduling y’all’s next date night together or planning a meet-up.
Talk About the Financial Aspects of Engagement and Starting a Life Together
The biggest challenge you’ll face when talking about engagement and marriage with your partner is the financial aspect.
Engagements, Weddings, and Closing the Distance are not cheap 😅
That’s why for some people talking about marriage and closing the distance gets them nervous.
With Tuomas, he was afraid of the financial factor of all those things.
So when we started talking about marriage he was concerned about the finances.
His thought process was we couldn’t get married yet because he didn’t have enough money to take care of and support me.
He’s a university student, finishing up his Masters 🎓
Granted, Finland gives money to their students but it still wouldn’t be enough to cover the expenses of two people.
On the other side, I was the one who had a grown-up job and a healthy income.
It made more sense for me to save up money for our life together.
If you have the means to save money and if it’s something you want then why not go for it?
I know talking about finances isn’t sexy or romantic at all, but it’s important to know what are some barriers that are preventing you and your partner from taking that next step.
Have The Marriage Discussion
You can’t expect someone to propose to you if marriage isn’t even on their radar. That’s why it’s so important for y’all to talk about marriage.
Discuss with your partner about their feelings on marriage. Try to look at their feelings from a different perspective than your own.
For example, in Finland, people get married in their mid-thirties. There is not as much social pressure to get married here.
Whereas in the US there was so much pressure. I remember my co-workers hyping me up before a meet-up saying Tuomas was going to propose to me.
When he didn’t propose until our NEXT meet-up 😅
Of course, those feelings of expectations not being met prompted our conversation about engagement.
We talked about if we wanted to get married or felt like we were ready.
During this conversation, we also talked a lot about our social norms based on our cultures. That’s when I learned about the differences between Finland and the US.
When you decide to have the marriage conversation with your partner, I strongly recommend y’all to do it over a video call.
That way you have both scheduled time to have the conversation and video call helps limit outside distractions.
Talking about marriage may be uncomfortable for some, and that’s why it’s important to make the conversation a safe space.
Allow for an open discussion and give each other time to process each other’s thoughts and feelings.
Then Talk About Engagement
After you and your partner have talked about finances and their views on marriage the next step is to talk about the engagement.
I’ll be the first to say I am not going to wait for anything in my life to just happen.
That’s why Tuomas and I started talking about our engagement together.
I don’t believe in this idea that one person should be planning everything while the other person sends their partner their Wedding Pinterest board.
That’s a lot of work for one person, and if someone is doing all that work by themselves it’s just going to take longer.
When we discussed getting engaged one conversation that came up was the cost of the ring.
Society has given the role of paying for the ring to be the groom’s responsibility. But, as I said before, Tuomas was on a student budget and I had the means.
I mean, long distance relationships are already expensive enough 🛫
So we started looking at rings that were under $100 that had the stone and design that I liked, then if I wanted to make any changes to the ring later on I could do that.
At the end of the day, the ring is supposed to be a symbol of your love for each other.
You shouldn’t go into debt or take out a loan just to give your partner a nice engagement ring.
If you plan on going the same route we did then y’all need to be as transparent as possible during this process. It also helps to look at the rings together.
I just told all the old people that he picked out the ring himself 😂
Getting Your Partner’s Family Blessing
There were some traditional aspects of engagement that Tuomas and I wanted to keep, for him it was asking my father permission for us to get married.
Because of these feelings, I gave Tuomas my Dad and Grandma’s phone number on What’s App and let them know that he would be contacting them.
From then on Tuomas handled everything on his own and I still don’t know when he called them because my family wanted to keep it as a surprise.
Tuomas also says that:
“I was very nervous when calling them and telling my own parents. In the end, I only told my Dad and he told the rest of my family.
Both Jasmin’s and my own family were very supportive during the process.”
We are very fortunate that our families have been accepting of our relationship and us wanting to get married.
In the case that your partner’s family isn’t as supportive, take a deep breath, and know it will be okay.
Take some time to discuss with them why they are unsupportive of the idea of y’all getting married.
Afterwards discuss with your partner what your next steps should be.
Whether that means y’all will postpone the engagement until they give their blessing or go ahead and move forward without it.
It might be hard in the moment, but try to be understanding of your partner’s parents’ reasoning.
Hopefully, they are coming from a place of love and just want what’s best for their child.
Plan The Engagement
Now that you’ve made it to this step, this is when the fun truly begins. Planning the engagement.
Before I dive into the process we went through I just want to say a few things.
I do not recommend anyone sending engagement rings in the mail. It doesn’t matter if they are cheaper rings, or if they are expensive and have their own insurance.
Sending an engagement ring in the mail is a huge risk.
It’s like proposing with a large body of water right next to you, it’s just something you shouldn’t do. 🙅♀️
Additionally, I don’t recommend you proposing virtually. Engagements are something that should be done in person.
To get engaged with someone shows you that you are committed to each other.
Proposing online just doesn’t show that same level of commitment.
Now that I got that off my chest, we can move on to planning the engagement.
For this step, talk to your partner about what they want in their engagement. This is when y’all both need to be on the same page about expectations and reality.
This is when you will discuss what type of atmosphere you both want for the proposal. Talk about what each other’s ideal proposal looks like.
Then let the one proposing find a compromise on their own.
I say this because I need you to understand that the one that is doing the proposal is going to feel nervous or anxious.
Even if they know you’re going to say yes, your partner’s hands are still going to feel sweaty from their nervousness.
Another reason why not to propose near any water or deep holes. 😅
You want the proposal to be special for both of you.
Make sure to take the time to talk about what each other wants and what each other are comfortable with.
After that, all you gotta do is create a plan for the special moment.
Getting Engaged in a Long Distance Relationship
When you are in a long distance relationship, you dream of the day of finally being together with your partner for good.
This is when you y’all are finally able to close the distance and start the next part of your lives together.
While all those daydreams of together seeming far and out of reach, there are ways you and your partner can start preparing for the next chapter of your romance saga.
That’s by taking the time to talk and plan out each step for engagement with your partner.
Be Sure to Check Out These Other Great Posts About Closing the Distance
5 Conversations You Have to Have Before Closing the Distance LDR + How to Choose Where to Live