Right before you and your partner close the distance you will without a doubt feel a whirlwind of emotions.
You’ll be so excited that you finally have reached this point in the relationship.
A point where so many other couples fell short because let’s face it.
LDRs are hard and Closing the distance is the epitome of #ldrgoals
While there is a lot of excitement to be finally living with your partner, there are also some hard realities when it comes to closing the distance.
Even though this time is meant to be full of excitement I also want to prepare you for the hard realities of closing the distance that no one talks about.
Like leaving the ones you love behind.
No One Really Knows How to Say Goodbye
People are going to be so excited and happy about your new adventure.
They will also be really quick when giving you that stabbing advice of “if anything happens you can always come back home.”
They don’t say it to be hateful or rude, they say it because they really don’t know how to say goodbye to you.
On the alternative, some people may avoid seeing you entirely because they feel it’s too painful to say goodbye.
When Tuomas and I closed the distance it meant that I would be leaving the country.
It also meant that if anyone wanted to come to visit me or vice versa, then both parties would have to plan for time and money in order to see each other.
People Think You’re Leaving for a Trip
Right before closing the distance, friends and family relationships will slowly change. You’ll have a lot of people coming and going from your life.
You’ll be able to see all their reactions to you leaving.
There will be some people that come back into your life from nowhere supporting you. And, you’ll see the ones who you’d thought support you just disappear.
The hardest is your family.
Some family members will get this complacent attitude like, it’s okay they’ll be back or I can go out there someday.
Because they have this attitude it can make you feel like they don’t care if you go or not.
Hopefully, they do care, hopefully, they are using this as a defense mechanism to protect their heart and ego.
When it comes to dealing with family members like them, try to do it with grace and humility.
Try to understand their pain, you are such a precious gift to them that it’s too painful to see you go away.
At least that was the mindset I had to develop in order to better process these emotions.
You Feel Like You Have to See Everyone
Those last three weeks before leaving the country was a whirlwind for me. Suddenly I had so many people trying to hang out and see me one last time before I go.
If you haven’t already learned how to say no to people, well this is an excellent opportunity for you to learn.
You will have to do what makes you feel comfortable. For me, that meant legit scheduling people.
My family has been known to be more on the impromptu side of things.
I am normally fine with that, but as you can see when you are about to close the distance your emotions are going to be a bit more scattered.
Especially if you have anxiety, like me 😅
If you do, please please please make time for yourself and do your own self-care. Closing the distance is a process and a half.
It’s important to remember that you don’t have to see everyone. I know you want to, your friends and family want you to as well.
But your mental health is number one, even if that means firmly laying out boundaries to the ones you love.
A great way to see everyone before you go is to plan a Going Away party, or even have your people jump on a video call with you.
That way they can get used to the idea of a long distance friendship once you move.
You’ll Get Some Haters
Whenever something is going great in your life, no matter what it is or who you are. There will always be someone who is salty about it.
That is how haters were created
Like I said before closing the distance is #ldrgoals because of that you will feel like you are being put under a microscope. People wanting to know how you did it and then also think how “easy “it must’ve been for you to do it.
I have friends that are jealous that I left the country, some are jealous of my new found happiness in life.
And that’s fine 💁♀️
The only solace you’ll be able to find during this is knowing how much work you and your partner have put towards this moment.
Whether it’s saving money, finishing a degree, or landing a job in a new country. You and your partner have both worked hard to get to this moment.
So don’t let any haters discredit all the work y’all have done to make it to this point.
Your Own Stress, Fears, and Worries
Of course, you are going to have your own stress, fears, and worries as well. Which makes a lot of sense you are about to start a new chapter in your life.
This is also when a lot of doubts set in.
I was worried if I was making the right decision, or was I being naive to move halfway across the world to be with someone I love.
During this time you’ll be fighting with your own world views and how society believes that people should live their lives.
You’ll have a lot of people approach you, giving you unwanted advice, or that lovely phrase “you can always come back home if things don’t work out”.
I already touched on this before, but the closer we got to closing the distance, it would make me more stressed to hear people who cared about me say this.
It felt like they didn’t have faith in my choices, or that they were waiting for me to fail.
These fears and anxieties are what cause you to have doubt in not only yourself but in the relationship as well.
When you notice these fears start bubbling up inside make sure you take time for yourself.
I created a Closing the Distance Binder Set to help you manage your self-care during this transition.
Not Having Time for Your Own Thoughts
Because you are busy packing, spending time with your partner, and catching up with friends and family it can be stressful to even have a moment of peace for your own thoughts.
This would be a great time for you to set up boundaries for yourself.
When you set up those boundaries it shows others around you how you want to be treated and talked to.
I had to set up a lot of boundaries during this time.
This kind of touches back on the feeling like you have to see everyone.
There will be people that want to take you everywhere and to see everyone y’all have ever known.
If that is too much for you to handle then you have to tell them no.
Set up your boundaries, and learn how to get comfortable with saying no.
It will be uncomfortable at first but if these people really love and care about you they will respect your boundaries.
I had to tell my Dad no, he wanted me to see all these people.
I simply said to him “Dad I do not want to do this, I am having a lot of emotions right now and this is my line. This is my boundary”.
He was frustrated at first and spouted the usual generational cultural things parents would say.
So I got up and walked away because I did not want to be around that energy anymore, that energy did not serve me.
It did not make me feel good 😤
Then later on my Dad and I talked more about it, and he began to understand where my feelings were coming from.
While closing the distance you’ll have these times where you’ll have to be comfortable going through uncomfortable situations.
And that’s okay, that’s why you create boundaries. So that you are able to protect yourself.
You Feel Like You Are Saying Goodbye to Your Old Self
At some point, you’ll start to look at the world around you and realize that everything is going to change.
All the things that were normal and comfortable to you are now going to memories.
The people and places will still be there, but you won’t.
That’s why I made sure to visit the places that meant the most to me before I left. I went to my childhood home and spent time with my family there.
Then I went to visit my Mom’s grave to say goodbye and tell her the adventure I was about to go on.
If I had to describe this feeling, I would imagine it’s what limbo feels like.
You’re not really in your life anymore, and you are not completely in your partner’s life yet.
Instead, you’re at the border waiting to cross over to the other side.
Use this time to think about old thoughts and behavioral patterns within yourself that need fine-tuning or that you want to change.
Closing the distance is all about ending one chapter of your life and starting on a new one together with your partner.
You Don’t Ever Feel Like You’re Ready or Prepared
Before we closed the distance I packed and unpacked 4 times and went to the store to buy extra things the day before I left.
There was no packing list or guideline telling me what I needed to prepare myself for closing the distance.
I tripled check all my documents over and over again making sure that they were still in the same place they were 20 minutes ago.
No matter how prepared I thought I was, the doubt set in that I was forgetting something.
The best way for you to feel prepared is to stay organized and have a plan.
Write down everything you are packing and know what you are putting in each suitcase or box that’s being shipped.
The Dark Side of Closing the Distance
The reality is closing the distance is scary.
Moving to a new place, saying goodbye to loved ones, and everything you have ever known and loved.
It is scary and stressful.
I wrote this to help you be more prepared for the hard realities you may face right before you close the distance.
During this transition make sure you are taking care of yourself, all the other things can wait, but you need to make sure you but YOU first.
I’m excited for you and for the future you and your partner are about to create together.