The most common question I get asked by LDR couples is how did you make a long distance relationship work during a global pandemic
We’re past the point of just saying communicate your feelings and hope that things will work out.
We all know the love languages and some are still struggling to find ways to show their partner love and themselves love during this stressful time.
Before Tuomas and I closed the distance for good we had went over year without seeing each other.
During that year apart we advocated hard for our love.
We joined the #loveisnottourism movement and wrote a petition for Finland to help make their laws clearer in allowing couples to reunite.
How to Survive a Long Distance Relationship During a Pandemic
I will be the first to say I am very privileged, I had a good job in the US and had been saving up money to close the distance with Tuomas in 2020. I hold an American passport and don’t have to face the issues of visa discrimination.
It’s an unfortunate truth to couples in Long Distance Relationships. That is way I still try to participate in the #loveisnottourism movement.
It is important for couples to advocate for their love and let our governments know that their old policies on immigration no longer apply to our current world.
But that’s a different conversation for a different day. I just wanted to bring awareness to this movement as it truly helped our relationship. So if I can give back a little by talking about it here then I am glad to do so.
Now let’s get started on these tips to help you and your partner survive this whole ordeal.
Communicate and Listen
Remember that you can’t forget about the basics. Especially if your partner is struggling on the other side of the phone.
It is important to remember those good communication strategies and allow for an safe space for open dialouge.
It might hurt to see your partner in pain and you want anything and everything to be there for them.
That’s why it’s important to be there for them in the ways you can by maintaining solid communication.
Your communication with your partner is always going to evolve over time.
If what you used to do doesn’t work anymore, discuss together what you can do moving forward to make communicating more beneficial to the relationship.
Communication is so important because it shows that you are passionate about your partner and y’all’s relationship. In between meet-ups is also the best time to learn how to communicate well with each other.
By learning how to effectively communicate and listen to one another it helps deepen our trust with each other.
Clear communication also helps us keep things transparent so nothing can be misconstrued.
Sometimes it can be difficult to understand the tone of voice the other person is using.
Especially through texting.
No matter if you are just starting your long distance journey or have been in a long distance relationship for a few years, always work towards improving your communication with each other.
Make a Call Schedule for Each Other
Any relationship can be great at first but it will easily fizzle out if you don’t talk make plans to talk to each other.
Planning a call schedule is so beneficial to your relationship.
A call schedule also holds you and your partner accountable in the relationship. You know that each other will be there at a set time.
This helps prevent each other from feeling neglected in the relationship.
It gives you and your partner time to focus on yourself as well as gives you the ability to come together for the relationship.
Be Flexible About The Future
First, I want you to realize that there are a lot of things out of your control during this time.
At this point you might’ve had many planned visits just be rescheduled by the airlines.
Let me just send you a big virtual hug and love for y’all to be reunited.
Next let’s look at the things you can do in this moment.
If you have a job, try to do your best to save up money for the meet-up and closing the distance.
Or save up money for sending you partner an awesome care package.
If you need to find a job look at quick gigs you can do locally. I know more and more countries need delivery drivers for food apps, and personal shoppers for the elderly.
It may not be glamorous but it is still something you can do to work towards y ‘all’s future together.
Be sure to give each other a lot of grace during this time as it’s taxing on both of y’all. Which leads me to my next tip.
Continue to Develop Your Love Languages
When the pandemic first start Tuomas and I were struggling. I was working in a nursing home outside of Washington DC and we were getting hit hard with covid cases.
I was a private caregiver for a family friend and they were actively dying. It was a very hard time of my life.
The fact is everyone is going through something right now, life is hard, and that’s okay.
What helped us was further developing our understanding of the love languages.
The love languages are a great tool for LDRs as it helps you understand how you and your partner give and receive love.
The 5 Love Languages consist of: quality time, receiving gifts, words of affirmation, physical touch, and acts of service.
What the love languages didn’t cover though is how to use them when you’re partner is upset or in need. Or how to use them to handle anger and depression.
They basically left out that whole part of developing emotional empathy with your partner.
For example, when Tuomas and I were having an argument we learned that we needed to jump on a video call real quick.
It’s because our love languages are quality time and physical touch that we had to do this.
We found that we argued over a video call, Tuomas was able to physically see what was making me upset, and I knew that he was giving me full concentration which made my quality time side satisfied.
Finding balance in your relationship can be also called self care. What are some ways you can treat yourself and work on loving your self in the space separate from your partner.
And just like in any healthy relationship you need to give your partner some space.
Giving your partner space allows you to work on your own personal development.
Use this time to find hobbies you used to enjoy or finally start that project you’ve been telling yourself you would do when you “have the time”.
Just because you are in a long distance relationship it doesn’t mean you have to be chained to the phone or feel like you have to be always ready and available to talk to your partner.
Use the time apart to experience the joys of an LDR by focusing on yourself and your growth.
The time you use know to work on your own personal goals will pay off for the day you finally close the distance.
Schedule Date Nights
Date nights are the one thing that will bring you and your partner closer during this pandemic.
Date nights give you and your partner a chance connect and feel closer over the distance.
It gives each other the time to slow down and focus on coming together. While also limiting the distractions of the outside world.
Scheduling date nights also touches base with the love languages. If your partner’s love language is quality time then planning a date night in will help keep their love tank full.
If it’s physical touch being on a video call together and talking about touching or holding each other will let them know how much you miss their embrace.
Maybe your partner’s love language is acts of service? In this case, planning a virtual date night with your partner will show them how much work you are willing to put into the relationship.
This is also a great time to work on those open when letters or just writing a letter in general. Your words will help give your partner some peace of mind and allows them to have a piece of you with them.
Lastly if your partner’s love language is giving and receiving, then give them gift a planned date night that is virtual.
Build Confidence and Trust in Your LDR
Having confidence in your relationship is HUGE.
There are going to be plenty of people constantly questioning your actions. Which in turn can make you questions the relationship itself.
The main question I get asked are:
How are you able to trust your partner to not cheat on you?
Why can’t you find someone who is closer?
I mean people can talk and be negative all they want but, I know our relationship I trust our relationship.
The same thing can be said about yours, remember, your relationship has integrity.
Just because others may be insecure about relationships they have doesn’t mean you need to bring that insecurity in yours.
Your relationship comes down to knowing and trusting your partner. The only way to do that is to communicate and listen to each other.
Surviving a Long Distance Relationship During a Pandemic
I wish I could tell you long distance relationships are easy. Or that you won’t get any opposition from your loved ones or the people around you.
But I can’t.
There are going to be times where you question it. When you wonder if it is worth it.
That’s when I cant tell you IT IS SO WORTH IT.
Long distance relationships are worth every mile in between you and your partner. There will be ups and downs as well as times you wished you could be closer to each other.
Just know that your long distance relationship can work as long as you and your partner keep working to grow and develop yourselves and the relationship.