In my recent post about Tips for Long Distance Relationships I briefly mentioned that knowing how to use the 5 love languages will help you have a thriving long distance relationship.
Tuomas and I were in a long distance relationship for 3.5 years and closed the distance in October 2020.
Now I’ll show you how can you apply that knowledge to your long distance relationship.
Now for the main question.
What are the 5 Love Languages? Why do they even matter?
The 5 love languages is a book written by Dr. Gary Chapman PhD and Jolene Philo MEd. The main question behind the 5 love languages is:
How do you and your partner give and how do you receive love?
Chapman describes the 5 love languages as:
2. Quality Time
There are three quizzes on this website that go over how you personally give and receive; love, anger, and apologies.
As of this point we have only done the love quiz. The other quizzes would be beneficial to do as well.
First off let’s just clear the air here, long distance relationship are pretty expensive.
The expenses that you should be budgeting for are the:
2. Plane tickets
3. Activities to do together
NEVER and I repeat NEVER make yourself financially burden from a long distance relationship.
If your partner is trying to make you spend money that you don’t have, then start reconsidering y’all’s relationship.
That my friend is a big ole red flag; that means you need to stay away from them.
Currently my fiance and I send one to two gifts to each other per year. Since it costs $25-$50 just to ship with USPS internationally.
I don’t recommend using FedEx. Considering it cost twice as much as USPS and it’s a pain in the butt when it comes to customs.
Also, if you or your partner’s love language is receiving gifts it doesn’t mean
“Oh shit we got in a fight let me give them a gift to make up for it”
You gotta have better timing than that. Think of receiving gifts love language as the effort the partner puts into giving them a gift.
1. Writing a letter or sending a postcard.
With this one you can literally write out all your feelings. All it will cost is a box of envelopes and some stamps.
Or you want to be a bit more creative get an old magazine and clip pictures of things you want to do with your partner.
The very first gift I gave to my fiance was when I was still in college.
Needless to say I was broke as all get out and knew shipping was an unfortunate price tag that was included in his gift. I bought a white picture frame, made it look like a pokeball (we’re nerds).
I put a picture of us in it then sent it off to Finland.
It’s nothing extravagant but again it’s the thought that counts here.
3. Small gifts you can shove inside an envelope.
Okay so this one isn’t that creative but you get the point right? I am going along that idea of just needing envelopes and stamps.
I hate having to worry about international shipping fees because dear lord it’s expensive. Not mention Fed Ex is a pain in the ass when it comes to customs, it literally takes forever.
And as much as my man love Veggies Straws and Little Debbie cakes he will only get that in a box once a year. Just like I’ll only get Finnish chocolates once a year
The main idea to remember is the timing of the gifts and the effort you put into it not how extravagant or expensive it is, truly it’s the thought that
Yeah this is one of ours, which honestly I think we do really well given the circumstances. My fiance and I on average see each other twice a year for 1 ½ months each, 3 months total.
This past summer he was able to spend 2 months with me which is absolutely amazing 😍 Stop it I’m not gushing, you are 😆 Truly though those 2 months were awesome and made our current time apart much more manageable.
Alternatively, when we are apart it makes it a bit more difficult. But we make it work because:
1. We schedule time for each other
For when we’ll be able to talk during the week and schedule our next meet-up. We both know what each other has going on in their lives. Some days are too crazy to talk.
However, we at least make sure to give 5 minutes to each other just to say I love you.
2. Plan monthly dates
At first we planned more for our dates, hello honeymoon phase. Now our dates are pretty relaxed and they have a relaxing homey rhythm to it.
For example; we cook the same dish, explore pinterest together, and watch the American anime RWBY together.
Then sometimes we are just so burnt out from our daily lives that we just enjoy being in call together. Either way, we are creating that quality time together and just enjoying each other’s company.
3. We Plan Meet-Ups
This is probably one of the most important you should do. Especially if this one of y’all’s love language. Planning a meet-up shows commitment because you and your partner are actively creating a future together.
Words of Affirmation
This one can be a bit tricky because there is always going to be that one person who thinks
“They know I love them, why do I always have to say it?”
Words of affirmation is way more than just that. It’s about giving your partner positive feedback and encouragement. Something to let them know how awesome you think they are.
If you are a person that is shy or stumbles with words, write it all down and give it to your partner so that know how you feel.
Life is too short to leave I love you’s and reminders of how awesome your partner is left unsaid.
Acts of Service
This one really isn’t as hard as it seems in a long distance relationship, you just need to focus on:
1. What you can do for your partner.
Maybe your partner is like me and loves to sleep in and will easily press snooze every single time the alarm goes off.
Ask them how can you help, do they need a wake-up call? I got you and I’ll make sure you get out of bed… In a loving and gentle way, cough cough.
2. How you can help your partner in their everyday lives.
My fiance is a bit of a procrastinator and a space cadet, (well more than a bit).
I love you babe!!
What I would consider as me nagging he finds helpful. He wants me to remind him to stay on top of things.
I really just feel like I’m nagging.
This one is so hard, so hard, and it is one of ours.
The most popular answer out there is virtual sex.
While this may be true, not all couples have reached that stage in their relationship. Or some just want to wait until they are married to be intimate in that way.
1. Talk about cuddling, hugs, holding hands, what have you.
Talking about touching and imagining it with your partner will probably light up the same part of your brain and get your dopamine receptors going just like it was if you were actually hugging. Just think of it as image training 😉
For a bonus effect squeeze something squishy like a pillow or comforter.
2. Do a video call and lay down facing each other.
Just like if you were laying in bed together. That way it feels like you are laying side by side.
3. Sleep on the call.
I am a firm believer in this one. My fiance and I only do this every once in a while now due to life. Just knowing that he’s there sleeping, ugh I love it, and thank goodness for WiFi.
Once again if you don’t have the phone data or WiFi to support this don’t make yourself broke for anyone. Keep your financial independence.
4. Have Something that Smells like them
I feel super creepy for even mentioning this but every time we visit each other I take the shirt my Snowman is wearing and put it in my suitcase. I do this because I want to be able to smell him when I am home.
Sure the scent only last a few months or I need to wash the shirt because hygiene. It’s mostly nice having his scent or presence around.
5 Love Languages + Long Distance Reltaionship = 💕
Definitely go take that 5 Love Languages Quiz it is a fun date night idea. The website has two other quizzes for Apologies and Anger, which I have been meaning to do.
What I love most about the 5 Love Languages is that it makes people connect with their partner on a deeper level. It also helps you see that distance doesn’t matter because you are able to be there for your partner.
Have any other ideas for using the 5 love languages in a long distance relationship? How long have you and your partner been in an long distance relationship? Leave a comment below I would love to hear any tips you have for me!
Thanks for reading!!~