In my recent post about Tips for Long Distance Relationships I briefly mentioned that knowing how to use the 5 love languages will help you have a thriving long distance relationship.
Tuomas and I were in a long distance relationship for 3.5 years and closed the distance in October 2020.
I’ll show you how can you apply that knowledge to your long distance relationship.
Now for the main question.
What are the 5 Love Languages? Why do they even matter?
The 5 Love Languages in a Long Distance Relationship
The 5 love languages is a book written by Dr. Gary Chapman PhD and Jolene Philo MEd. The main question behind the 5 love languages is:
How do you and your partner give and how do you receive love?
Chapman describes the 5 love languages as:
2. Quality Time
The quickest way to figure out your and your partner’s love language is by taking the quiz on the love language website.
Taking the quiz is a great activity you and your partner can do together. I highly recommend y’all try it out on your next date night together.
When you take the time to explore each other’s thoughts and perspectives it helps to lay down the foundation for a solid long distance relationship.
Click here to take the Love Language Quiz on the official website
Giving and Receiving Gifts in a Long Distance Relationship
First off let’s just clear the air here, long distance relationship are pretty expensive.
The expenses that you should be budgeting for are the:
3. Closing the Distance
NEVER and I repeat NEVER make yourself financially burden from a long distance relationship.
If your partner is trying to make you spend money that you don’t have, then discuss with them why you can’t spend that amount of money.
Hopefully after having that conversation they will be more understanding to your finances.
On the other hand, if they are demanding or pleading for you to send money to them; then that my friend is a big ole red flag.
That means you need to stay away from them.
When Tuomas and I were still at a distance, we would send one to two gifts to each other per year.
Gifts are expensive to send esepcially if you are doing one big care package for your partner.
It would usually cost me anywhere between $25-$50 just to ship with USPS internationally.
I don’t recommend using FedEx. Considering it cost twice as much as USPS and it’s a pain in the butt when it comes to customs.
Also, if you or your partner’s love language is receiving gifts it doesn’t mean
“Ah shit, we got in a fight let me give them a gift to make up for it”
This love language doesn’t roll like that, if anything it’ll make your partner even more upset if you are trying to apologize without understanding what happened in the first place.
Think of receiving gifts love language as the effort the partner puts into giving them a gift.
Giving and receiving gifts isn’t only about the material, it also means you are putting thought, time, and effort into finding something your partner will love and cherish.
Here Are Some Examples of Giving and Receiving in an LDR:
1. Writing a letter or sending a postcard.
With this one, you can literally write out all your feelings. All it will cost is a box of envelopes and some stamps.
Or if you want to be a bit more creative. Get an old magazine and clip pictures of things you want to do with your partner.
Write the lyrics of your favorite song, or a special song y’all have together and make a collage with the magazine clippings.
Your partner will appreciate the effort you put in for them.
The very first gift I gave to Tuomas was when I was still in college.
Needless to say, I was broke and knew shipping was an unfortunate price tag that was included in his gift.
I bought a white picture frame, so I can make the frame look like a Pokeball.
I put a picture of us in it then sent it off to Finland.
It was nothing extravagant and Tuomas appreciated the time and effort I put into creating it.
3. Small gifts you can shove inside an envelope.
I am going along with that idea of just needing envelopes and stamps. So this one is following that creative process.
I hate having to worry about international shipping fees because dear lord it’s expensive.
Not to mention Fed Ex is a pain in the ass when it comes to customs, it literally takes forever and a lot of the time your partner will have to pay to pick up their gift.
And as much as my man love Veggies Straws and Little Debbie cakes he will only get that in a box once a year.
Just like I’ll only get Finnish chocolates once a year
The main idea to remember is the timing of the gifts and the effort you put into it not how extravagant or expensive it is, truly it’s the thought that counts.
Quality Time in a Long Distance Relationship
Yeah this is one of ours, which honestly I think we did really well given the circumstances.
When Tuomas and I were still long distance, we saw each other twice a year for 1 ½ months each, 3 months total.
in 2019 Tuomas was able to spend 2 months with me which was absolutely amazing and gave us time to learn more about our relationship.
Truly though those 2 months were awesome and made our last time apart much more bearable.
Quality time is a great example of using the love languages both at a distance and during meet-ups. If quaility time is your love language talk to your partner about having a longer meet-up.
Doing this will help keep your love tank full.
Here Are Some Examples of Quality Time in an LDR
1. Create a Call Schedule
I tell couples all the time how important it is for you and your partner to create a call schedule together. By creating a call schedule you are better able to make time for communication and each other.
That way we both know what each other has going on in their lives.
I understand that there are going to be some days where your schedules are just too crazy to talk.
On those days, try to give 5 minutes to each other just to say I love you. You can do this through a video message or voice message to each other.
2. Plan monthly dates
You and your partner should have a good balance between passive and active dates with each other.
Passive dates are the dates where you enjoy spending time with each other in a call watching a movie or playing a game together.
Passive dates are really good as they help you to unwind from the stress and chaos of the world around you.
The other side to this would be an active date. On active dates, you and your partner focus on creating something together. Making time to learn more about each other as individuals and as a couple.
No matter how long you have been dating you can still learn more about your partner.
3. Plan Meet-Ups and Your Future
This is probably one of the most important you should do. Planning a meet-up shows commitment because you and your partner are actively creating a future together.
This not only applies to meet-ups, it also applies to conversations around closing the distance.
Actively planning a future together lets your partner know that you want to be with them and share a life together with them.
Words of Affirmation in a Long Distance Relationship
This one can be a bit tricky because there is always going to be that one person who thinks
“They know I love them, why do I always have to say it?”
Words of affirmation are way more than just that.
It’s about giving your partner positive feedback and encouragement.
Something that lets them know how awesome you think they are.
If you are a person that is shy or stumbles with words, write it all down and give it to your partner so they know how you feel.
Life is too short to leave I love you’s and reminders of how awesome your partner is left unsaid.
Here Are Some Ways to Express Words of Affirmation in an LDR
1. Send Your Partner a Virtual Card
This is something you can do for free. Get on Cavna and look search for “Folded Cards” and you’ll see loads of templates there for you to create.
Use the templates as a based and type in all the things you love about your partner.
2. Create a Couples Instagram Account
Create a couples Instagram account with your partner so you can let them know how much you love them on an IG post, you can even find a bunch of LDR couples using the hashtag #ldrcommunity.
3. Send Lyrics or Quotes to Your Parnter
If you are having a hard time finding the right words to say then find some lyrics or quotes that will express the love you are feeling for you partner.
There’s no reason to feel shy or nervous, when love is real it finds away around expressing yourself and language barriers.
Acts of Service in a Long Distance Relationship
Acts of Service is all about what actions you can take to help your partner in their lives.
This is sometimes hard to do at a distance but one great way you can help your partner is by helping stay on schedule with things.
When a person’s love language is Acts of Service it is because they like to stay organized and on track with what’s going on around them.
They don’t want to shoulder all the responsibility of coming up with a date night plan or figuring out things by themselves.
Things You Need to Consider with Acts of Service in an LDR
1. What you can do for your partner.
Maybe your partner is like me and loves to sleep in and will easily press snooze every single time the alarm goes off.
Ask them how can you help, do they need a wake-up call? I got you and I’ll make sure you get out of bed… In a loving and gentle way, cough cough.
2. How you can help your partner in their everyday lives.
My fiance is a bit of a procrastinator and a space cadet, (well more than a bit).
I love you babe!!
What I would consider as me nagging he finds helpful. He wants me to remind him to stay on top of things.
I really just feel like I’m nagging.
Physical Touch in a Long Distance Relationship
This one is so hard, so hard, and it also happens to be one of ours.
The most popular answer out there is virtual sex.
While this may be true, not all couples have reached that stage in their relationship.
Or some just want to wait until they are married to be intimate in that way.
Physical Touch is more than just being sexual with your partner, it is able to create intimacy with them.
Intimacy and sexuality and two separate things.
To be intimate with your partner means to work towards developing a closer connection with them.
You can do this by asking deep questions and developing empathy for your partner and their needs.
Here Are Some Ways You Can Feel Physical Touch in an LDR
1. Talk about cuddling, hugs, holding hands, what have you.
Talking about touching and imagining it with your partner will probably light up the same part of your brain and get your dopamine receptors going just like it was if you were actually hugging. Just think of it as image training 😉
For a bonus effect squeeze something squishy like a pillow or comforter.
2. Do a video call and lay down facing each other.
Just like if you were laying in bed together. That way it feels like you are laying side by side.
This is something you can do if your partner is having a bad day or the distance is just hitting harder than usual.
3. Sleep on the call.
I am a firm believer in this one. My fiance and I only do this every once in a while now due to life. Just knowing that he’s there sleeping, ugh I love it, and thank goodness for WiFi.
Once again if you don’t have the phone data or WiFi to support this don’t make yourself broke for anyone.
Keep your financial independence.
4. Have Something that Smells like them
I feel super creepy for even mentioning this but every time we visit each other I take the shirt my Snowman is wearing and put it in my suitcase. I do this because I want to be able to smell him when I am home.
Sure the scent only last a few months or I need to wash the shirt because hygiene. It’s mostly nice having his scent or presence around.
5 Love Languages + Long Distance Reltaionship = 💕
Definitely go take that 5 Love Languages Quiz it is a fun date night idea.
What I love most about the 5 Love Languages is that it makes people connect with their partner on a deeper level.
It also helps you and your partner understand that distance doesn’t matter because you are able to be there for your partner and show the love that they want to feel.