How to Talk About Closing the Distance
My Snowman and I started talking about closing the distance after our second meet-up in 2018.
By that point we had been friends for two years and dating for a year. It was also during this meet-up that we had a really big fight and learned more about each other’s daily life. We were no longer in vacation mode.
Mostly because I was working the entire time during that meet-up 😅
During that second meet-up we had a lot of crazy things happen that for some could have been deal breakers.
For us, it made us realize that we still needed to spend more time together in person before we could close the distance.
5 Ways to Talk to Your Partner About Closing the Distance
When my Snowman and I finally started talking about closing the distance, it was a slow process that occurred over time. We also continuously checked in with each other to make sure we were still on the right track to get us to that point.
This list will help you prepare for having the talk with your partner.
Keep Your Partner’s Feelings in Mind
Talking about closing the distance is a huge commitment step. Even if you are just hypothetically planning for it. Talking about it means you are ready to make that commitment.
It’s real easy to get excited about closing the distance, I mean who doesn’t want to be with their partner 24/7?
That’s why it’s important to slow down and listen to what your partner is feeling. If your partner is equally as excited then great! Have fun planning and talking about closing the distance.
If they are hesitant, talk about why, while also respecting your partner’s boundaries. For some people planning big life moves like closing the distance can be intimidating.
Closing the distance has a huge expectation that goes along with it. It’s assuming that everything is going to work out perfectly and you’ll live happily ever after.
Sometimes, those expectations can be too much for one person. In the end they just don’t want to disappoint you.
So when you and your partner start to talk about closing the distance, take things slow. Over time they will feel more comfortable discussing this.
What Are Some Personal Goals?
Discussing your goals with your partner will help y’all map out what each other has planned for the future.
Whether it’s moving up in a job, finishing life projects, or working towards a financial goal.
For us, it was making sure I had my physical therapy license for the required amount of time and for my Snowman, his goal was to finish his Master’s program before I moved there.
I also needed to make sure that I was able to save up a nest egg, that way I could be comfortable in Finland when I move there.
When you talk to your partner about their personal goals it shows them that you are respecting their life choices.
It also helps them feel more confident with you because respecting their goals means you respect your partner’s boundaries.
This is going to be different for every couple, that’s why it’s such an important conversation to have before talking about closing the distance.
Show Your Partner What Living Together Would Look Like
During meet-ups you should show your partner what living together would look like. That means talking about chores you like to do around the house and the ones you don’t like to do.
In 2019, my Snowman stayed with me for two months. During those two months we really learned how we’d interact if we were living together.
Since I was working full-time during those two months and he was working on his school work, It made us really figure out our teamwork.
That meant, he would help me with chores around the house while I was at work. I would also do some chores he doesn’t like to do on the weekends. We had to learn how to balance each other out with household tasks.
If you were to ask either of us those two months together were the best for our relationship. It gave us the chance to test how living together would be, which made us even more excited to close the distance.
If you and your partner are able to, I strongly recommend y’all stay with each other for an extended period of time and learn what a normal day for them is like.
Sure you can spend all day on a call with each other, but let’s face it, that’s not normal life.
Don’t Cave into Pressure
I mentioned this earlier but I am someone who gets caught up in the hype. I am so guilty of caving in to the pressure. When my Snowman and I were starting to talk about our next steps together a lot of my friends were getting married and having babies.
It was also around the time my best friend from highschool got engaged and was planning her wedding.
I was going through that feeling of “everyone else is getting married and starting their lives” and feeling left behind. Those insecurities made me want to talk even more about possible engagements and closing the distance.
That’s a whole lot of pressure you are putting on yourself.
When you start to notice yourself comparing your journey to others try to take a step back. Use this time to focus on the path you need to take as a couple. Your route is completely different from theirs.
You’re Doing it for the Right Reasons
Before you talk to your partner about closing the distance, take a step back and make sure you are doing it for the right reasons.
That means examining the relationship.
You need to ask yourself if you’re wanting to close the distance for the right reasons. Closing the distance shouldn’t be a test to see if the relationship will work well in real life.
This isn’t a band aid to fix y’all’s problems 🙅♀️
Closing the distance means you trust your partner 100% and y’all’s communication is as equally as solid.
That’s why if you are considering closing the distance, it should be because you know that you and your partner will do great living together.
Talking About Closing the Distance
Closing the distance is an exciting point for all long distance relationships. It’s the ultimate pinnacle that your relationship is successful and that you and your partner lasted the distance.
This conversation also helps you and your partner to move onto the next stage of the relationship. While also affirming your commitment to each other.
Talking about closing the distance will help you feel more hopeful for y’all’s future together. It helps to give a date and let you know that closing the distance is within reach.