It’s like watching a train wreck. As soon as one patient was leaving to go to hospital, a code was called for another one. When I started working in a nursing home I never would’ve imagined working through a pandemic.
Everyone talks about front line heroes and how everyone is doing their best during this pandemic. It’s true people are doing amazing things.
Physical Therapy and Pandemics
I am with therapy.
Sometimes I feel like all I can do is watch, and report to nursing.
Well that’s what I told myself at first.
I started to look at the virus from a therapy standpoint. What are the signs and symptoms before shortness of breath and increased temperature?
What can I do as a therapist to catch this early on so no more of my patients go on vents?
I watch some patients go from being fine to one day, to suddenly needing help with something the next day.
This covid mess is like a copperhead snake. It sifts through the leaves and before you know it, you’ve been bit.
During our lunch breaks we talk about our findings with our patients in therapy. We start making hypotheses and look up if sepsis is linked to covid. We’re consumed by it.
We worry and wonder which patient will be next, cleaning and washing our hands like crazy. I’m pretty sure my cuticles hate me right now.
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I’m so happy I live by myself. I’m so happy when I come home after work that I don’t have to worry about exposing the ones I love to Covid-19. As of this point there has been confirmed cases in the building I work in. Which is no surprise because I work and live in the hottest spot in Virginia. This is the time I’m happy I’m in a long distance relationship. I don’t have to worry about exposing @katmand0r to this mess. I can safely talk to him on the phone without worry. I am also scared. I don’t want to be alone right now but I know it’s best for the ones I love and want to protect. #stayhome #stayhealthy #nursinghomes #physicaltherapy #physicaltherapistassistant #ldrlife #ldrlove #ldrcouples #ldrstory #longdistancerelationship #longdistance #longdistancerelationships #longdistancelove #longdistancecouple #distancerelationship #alexandriava #woodbridgeva
When I get in the car I look back at my day. What the hell just happened? How many people went to the hospital today? How can I work on walking with people if we can’t walk in the hallway? What was the lunch Megan made and can I get the recipe?
Y’know that’s how I decompress all this.
I also show gratitude. I am so grateful that I am still able to work right now. I am so grateful that I am healthy.
But I want to complain. I want to complain about all of it. I want to scream I am not a hero. I am burnt out, hell I was burnt out before this even hit.
I’m tired and feel like I have no one to talk to about this. Who would want to listen? The average person is scared enough about this.
My friends in the medical field all tell me to stay safe.
Bitch, what do you think I’m doing? Licking the walls?
That’s why I needed to find a professional to talk to. I know my friends want to know what’s going on because they are concerned and honestly it is interesting.
It’s like slowing down to look at an accident 15 minutes after it happened.
This is the time I need direction and help. I need a game plan. So I started working with a counselor on the Better Help app.
My first session was great. I was able to unload everything. EVERYTHING.
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First picture together in 2017 🥰✈️ It was my first time leaving the country and our first time meeting. I was so nervous. My heart was beating so loudly that I thought the entire airport could hear 😳 :: :: Where did you and your partner first meet? Do you remember what you were feeling? :: :: #longdistancerelationships #longdistancerelationship #ldr #love #lovebirds #couplelove #longdistancelove #missingyou #hatingdistance #ldrwarrior #ldrgoals #iloveyou #ldrlife #truelove #ldrstory #ldrmeeting #ldrfeels #ldrlife #usa #finland
How’s the Long Distance Relationship?
I feel so blessed to have my Snowman. During this pandemic he has truly shown me what it means to support each other in the relationship.
He has shown me how dependable he is, he has shown me his strength. Most importantly he has helped me feel a sense of stability when I feel like everything around me is crumbling.
It’s been hard for him as well. He worries about me, my safety, and my sanity 😅
The hardest part for us is the fact we were supposed to be together in April. We were supposed to be in wedding planning mode. Taking engagement photos, Celebrating Vappu, and just spending much needed time together.
Instead we’re downsizing our wedding, since a lot of my guests can’t come due to the financial crisis.
We also started a new countdown. We know there is a lot of uncertainty with travel right now but I already got my ticket for November. We need to have that hope for our future, and not give in to feelings of despair.
How to Move Forward
I battled anxiety and depression before when I was in college. Let me tell you, I didn’t come out unscathed. That’s why this time I searched for telehealth psychology.
I didn’t want to fall down that hole again. I wanted to avoid it at all costs. I want to be proactive.
So far I learned that you need to give yourself time to process all these things. That I can’t blame myself for feeling depressed because it is how the body processes all this information.
What I can do is give myself grace. I gave myself one day to feel depressed. During that day I did nothing productive, I watched anime, I read manga, I ate food.
I bought a drone 😂
I also had no human contact. Just me and my thoughts. Now that I have had that time to be depressed I feel ready.
I am ready to be creative again. I am ready to write again. I am ready to live my best fucking life again. I am ready for November.
I am thankful I have reached out to my community. I am not the type that likes to tell everyone how I feel that’s why I made a point to let people know.
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I should be in Finland right now. We were supposed to be in wedding planning mode. Taking engagement photos, Celebrating Vappu, and just spending much needed time together. :: Now our date has been moved to November. This will be the longest time apart but I know it’s going to make it all the more sweeter when we actually see each other again. :: I am looking forward to living together and excited to see what adventure awaits us. I am still hopeful for our future. Until then, I’ll hold him in my heart. :: #longdistancerelationship #realrelationships #ldrlove #longdistancecouple #ldrproblems #teamldr #relationship #relationshipgoals #love #ldrcouple #distance #loveoverdistance #distancesucks #missingyou #hatingdistance #ldrwarrior #ldrgoals #ldrlife #truelove #longdistancelovers #ldrstory #ldrlife #ldrfeels #ldrmeeting #ldrcommunity #qotd #ldrquotes #quotes #lovequotes #relationshipquotes #hope
What Am I working on now?
If you are still reading thank you. I needed to get all these thoughts out. I needed to complain before I was able to write again. Thank you for being a part of my community.
My goals are to finish up my series on Love Languages, finish a post that I have been trying to write all month.
What are some things y’all would like for me to write about? Let me know in the comments below.